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Ink Spotter: Anon
Look, I like Duck Hunt as much as the next person (very little), but I’m not sure if this is the right spot for this tattoo. That dog popping up to laugh at my poor aim was always kind of humiliating (especially since I would sit so close to the screen that the gun was usually touching the glass). Don’t be surprised if the next guy you bring home finds he can’t get his Zapper loaded.
Ink Spotter: Scott
Hmm… let’s test this idea:
You’re both fucktards.
Guess you were wrong. Now pull your pants up.
Since today kicks off the last official weekend of summer, we thought we’d have ourselves a cookout—Ugliest Tattoos–style—and make today’s Shoot, Screw, or Marry about that staple of the summer barbecue: meat.
On the menu (see what I did there?):
Ink Spotter: Karmen
A tramp stamp celebrating carnivorous pleasures, including, of course, anthropomorphized ham.
Ink Spotter: dfw458
A Big Smile mannequin eating a burger with her pet… goat? I guess?
Ink Spotter: Logan B
…and a fussy hamburger and hot dog. You know what, hamburger and hot dog? If you don’t like you the way I make you, then make yourself…yourself! I don’t slave over a hot stove so I can hear you complain.
These tattoos don’t have just protein in common. They’re also all liberally seasoned with WTF. Overseasoned, one might say. I think Burger Girl might be unsalvageable. Can we just pour her down the disposal and order Thai instead?
Anyway, I guess I have to make some decisions. I’m going to shoot the tramp stamp, because I don’t like my food to have a face. That’s just gross. Screw the condiment committee. I guess they have faces too. But they also have toe hair. HIGH FIVE! I guess that leaves marrying the girl and her goat? Ugh. Oh well. Maybe the goat can explain to me what the hell is going on here.
Man, these just keep getting harder and harder. Frankly (HAH), I find it hard to pick any of these, because the way I see it,
Ink Spotter: Nieve K
Ink Spotter: Jennie
Something about the expression on the tattoo worries me. It looks . . . lost. While she’s standing around in her bikini, I wonder if strangers will offer it directions to the bus station. And if anyone has ever started speaking to your lower back, unsolicited, let me tell you, it can be startling.
Ink Spotter: Hannah L
Some cultures regard butterflies as signs of bad luck. Obviously there’s something to that superstition, because this woman’s pants appear to have spontaneously shrunk several sizes. I can’t imagine luck much worse than that.
You guys, the entries in our haiku contest had us absolutely ROFLing. If you just stumbled in, do yourself a favor and take a moment to read the entries—there are some real gems. In fact, I’m getting several of them tattooed onto the backs of my hands later this afternoon so I can read them over and over again while I’m sitting here at the computer.
So, needless to say, it was very hard to pick a winner, but after much deliberation, several six-packs of Miller High Life, and half a bottle of Aleve, we finally made a choice, and it’s from sexy supergenius Dedd Eddie:
“i think it’s revenge
for the magnifying glass
i was only six!”
And, as promised, Dedd Eddie’s lovely likeness now has a permanent home in a very special place.
Trust us, she’s much hotter in real life. I think our tattoo artist may have been drunk.
Thanks so much to everyone who played along. We look forward to reading more of your snark in the future, and just might get more of your mugs inked onto places where the sun don’t shine.
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Submitted By: Anne S
You know, there are times in our lives when we’re not in control of our own destinies. Sometimes it’s the government. Sometimes it’s genetics. Maybe it’s a higher power. And sometimes destiny is shaped by Rohypnol.
When you’ve been roofied as many times as this person, well, you learn that you need a warning label on your ass. Roofie me once, shame on you. Roofie me six times, shame on me.
Source: Jiffy Feet
An alien? Fine. An alien with a bong? Fine, whatever. But a surly, squinty-eyed stoner alien that is clearly bogarting all the weed? If that guy showed up at my party it would totally harsh my mellow in more ways than one.
Ink Spotter: Eric P
I know, I know, “ha ha ha, mock mock, mock,” we’re pretty one-note here. But let’s give credit where due. This is a fantastically well-drafted image of two women licking an ejaculating penis while simultaneously appearing to be a butterfly. And a beautiful example of Surrealism.
In fact, it brings to mind a passage from the first Surrealist Manifesto of 1924: “The mind of the dreaming man is fully satisfied with whatever happens to it. . . . Kill, plunder more quickly, love as much as you wish. . . . Let yourself be led. Events will not tolerate deferment. You have no name. Everything is inestimably easy.”
In other words: “rock out with your cock out!” Two chicks. Blowing a guy. In the shape of a butterfly. Surrealism? Surawesomeism.
Source: TattooDesign-Ideas
You spelled “My Parents Didn’t Pay Enough Attention to Me” wrong.
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