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Submitted by: friends page via Submission Page
Oh, don’t act so shocked (heh). It’s not like this is the first time you’ve heard of “the shocker.” I mean, it goes back to ancient times.
Submitted by: blackstar.com via Submission Page
Like, back to around Zero, B.C., actually.
Ink Spotter: Bruno S
Hey, this tattoo of six-pack–having, gasmask-wearing, crucified-with-boat-engines (or something) Jesus may be completely inscrutable, but it least it’s also really ugly.
Ink Spotter: Yiorgos
Well, tomorrow is Thanksgiving here in the U.S. of A., which means that in the hours between my waking and approximately 2:00 p.m. I have to somehow turn out a sweet potato casserole, cranberry sauce, sourdough stuffing, a few dozen dinner rolls, and a pecan pie. Lettuce lay our hands upon this tattoo and pray to the lord (Martha Stewart) that I can get it all done:
Our Martha, who art in heaven,
Excellent be thy Name.
Thy dinner bun.
Thy pie be done,
On earth as it is nearly seven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our judgment lapses,
As we were drinking a lot of wine when we made this stuffing.
I’m not sure where the temptation,
To put dried apricots in it came from,
That is just evil.
[For thine is the kingdom,
and the Packers will beat the Lions and have all the power, and the glory,
for ever and ever.]
Amen.
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Ink Spotter: Natalie
I have various reactions to tramp stamps. Usually I find them annoyingly cliché. Occasionally I’ll like one that’s cute or clever. Never have I seen one and thought, “Too long; didn’t read.” Until now.
Ink Spotter: Benjamin
As longtime readers may have gathered, I’m not really into sports. So maybe the fault is my own that I spent twenty minutes wondering why anyone would want a tattoo of a tattered pair of panties hanging on a grave with a misshapen medicine ball hiding behind it.
Then again, maybe not.
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Ink Spotter: Kelly
I don’t know what’s going on with this tattoo, but I do like the fact that PEZ Jesus (Jezus?) looks like he’s giving air-quote fingers and saying, “I know it’s Passover and all, but matzo-flavored PEZ is not ‘candy.’ Now pour me a glass of Manischevitz and get out of my face.”
Ink Spotter: Jennifer B
Hold me closer, tiny dancer
‘Cause we’re stuck together that way
Why’d you ever get this inked in?
You took too much acid that day
Ink Spotter: James
Hold me closer, Tony Danza
You drove a taxi on the highway
Changing Mona’s bedroom linens
Is that the highlight of your day?
Ink Spotter: Malina G
Pleistocene baby, dragon lady, oviparous in the sand
Beady-eyed, deadly bite, you native of Swaziland
Filipina? From Indonesia? Or are you from Sudan?
And now it’s pinned me, shit it bit me, Giant Lizard bit my hand
Oh with your jaws like steel
And tiny ears, please don’t come near
I’m scared of you, but you can’t hear me
When I scream awfully, “Holy…”
Hold me closer Giant Lizard
Count the head-bites you sent my way
Slay me now with teeth in my skin
You murderous Varanidae
Ink Spotter: Christopher
On this holy Sabbath, I give you the Cross of Saint Peter, Prince of the Apostles, first Bishop of Rome, and, according to a little-know apocryphal text, founder of Jews for Bacon.
Maybe I should save this for Sunday, but you guys know how I like to wrap up the work week with a round of Shoot, Screw, or Marry (and also bottle of Jim Beam, but that is neither here nor there). And if there’s a Hell, then housekeeping is making up a cot in the basement for me as I write this, because today’s edition is all about our homie up in Heaven: Jesus Christ.
Hark! (or some other bible-y word), the contenders:
Source: Fun Blog
LolJesus. Hey, I’m happy to see he’s managed to keep his sense of humor after all that he’s been through.
Ink Spotter: Hanna
Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick! Now, don’t get me wrong, I love the Dead Milkmen more than anyone, but I think this image is something better suited to, say, a goofy t-shirt than a goofy torso-length tattoo. Because I’m not a 14-year-old boy. And personally, I’d be having a crisis of faith the moment His pogo stick caused those stretch marks.
Ink Spotter: kittygritty
…and retarded Jesus. Can the short bus pass through the eye of a needle?
Pretty Jesus-y up in here this week, huh? Don’t worry, next week we’ll get back to our regularly scheduled sacrilege. Anyway, my picks: shoot retarded Jesus. I’m sorry if that’s insensitive, but I just don’t think we’d have that much in common. Besides being retarded.
Screw pogo Jesus. What can I say? I’ve had an incredibly immature crush on the Dead Milkmen since forever, and this is the closest I’ll ever get to having awkward teenage sex with them.
Marry LolJesus. There’s something about his body language that tells me he wouldn’t be into me romantically, but I think we could have a good time together. Plus he probably could use a beard—I don’t think his dad would approve of his lifestyle, if you know what I’m saying.
Whew! I don’t know about you, but I feel the power of Christ compelling me! Or is this what it feels like when you’re about to get smote? If you have any faith at all, you’d better get your picks in the comments soon.
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Ink Spotter: Anon
In the complex world of tattoo symbolism, the koi can mean a variety of things. One thing it may represent is overcoming adversity. A Jesus tattoo, of course, suggests a deep, abiding faith. Zombies seem to mean “I think zombies are effing cool, dude. They’re hardcore! They eat brains! Dude!”
So it takes only a little work to get to the bottom of this tattoo’s meaning. It means “I have had to overcome many obstacles in life, and have been able to do so only with the assistance of the ultimate badass, Jesus. All praise the J-man: he’s not just cool, he’s zombie-cool.”
Of course, it could also mean . . .
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