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Ink Spotter: James
Cute. But really, why dick around (GONG!) getting a tattoo that makes your nipple look like a giant penis when you could get it a little bit lower and make your actual penis look like a giant penis? Imagine what a four-inch-tall leather daddy would look like with a four-inch long penis.
You’re welcome?
Ink Spotter: Jessica
Do you have ANY idea how hard it is to find snuff films featuring Borg trannies with poor bowel control? Really fucking hard. If that was your fixation, you’d get this tattoo as well.
Ink Spotter: Anon
You may think you’re having a hard time dealing with the Summer of Death, but it’s nothing compared to what this guy is going through. David Carradine is just the tragic tip of the inconsolable iceberg. He also has tattoos of Farrah Fawcett as an angel with anal cancer, Robert Novak as Satan with a brain tumor, and Ed McMahon as a banana. A banana sitting next to another, funnier banana, and that’s, uh. . . old.
Ink Spotter: Ignelius
What? You never saw the episode of The Golden Girls where Blanche falls in with a biker crowd? Smitten with the gang’s leather-clad leader, Miami Mike, she takes her attempts to impress him too far at a piercing and tattoo parlor. Sophia cracks wise about how all that penetration probably doesn’t compare to Blanche’s college days and Rose recounts a story about how back in St. Olaf, motorcycle gangs actually rode pigs. But it isn’t until Miami Mike cheats on her with a younger member of the gang (the buxom Pleather Pensacola) that Blanche realizes she’s trying to be something she’s not.
Cheesecake and laser surgery all around (Blanche for tattoo removal, the other gals just to zap some varicose veins). Credits.
Ink Spotter: Eric P
I know, I know, “ha ha ha, mock mock, mock,” we’re pretty one-note here. But let’s give credit where due. This is a fantastically well-drafted image of two women licking an ejaculating penis while simultaneously appearing to be a butterfly. And a beautiful example of Surrealism.
In fact, it brings to mind a passage from the first Surrealist Manifesto of 1924: “The mind of the dreaming man is fully satisfied with whatever happens to it. . . . Kill, plunder more quickly, love as much as you wish. . . . Let yourself be led. Events will not tolerate deferment. You have no name. Everything is inestimably easy.”
In other words: “rock out with your cock out!” Two chicks. Blowing a guy. In the shape of a butterfly. Surrealism? Surawesomeism.
Source: The Internet Is Terrible
This tattoo provides rare insight into the creative process. You’re in the boardroom at UGtat, Inc.
Fred, Chairman: “Okay, folks, here’s the plan. What we’re looking for is a tattoo of a . . . blob of some sort, with a penis protruding from its rump. Okay? We’re all on board? Good. Yes, Jeff, you have a question? The floor’s yours.”
Jeff: “Thanks, Fred. I’m curious if the viewer will be able to tell what it is. Do we need some explanatory text for clarity?”
Fred: “Good question, Jeff. What does everybody think?”
Annette: “Seems clear to me.”
James: “Not me, I’m for text”
Leah: “I’ll second that.”
Fred: “Hands everybody? Okay, three, four . . . text it is. Should it read ‘Dick Butt’?”
Jeff: “Maybe we should mix it up a bit. Misspellings are hip these days: ‘Dik But’?”
Fred: “Innovative. Maybe. Let’s do a trial run and see what we think. Who should we assign this to?”
Leah: “I’ll contact Spider McCann, I think he’d be great for this job.”
Fred: “Old ‘Meth’ McCann? OK, make it happen.”
[one week later, back in the boardroom]
Jeff: “You know, I think I was wrong, let’s spell ‘Dick Butt’ properly.”
Fred: “Hands? OK. Do we like the arm where it is? I think it would be a bit more convincing at an angle – make it look like it’s in motion.”
Annette: “Agreed. And how about the dick? I really think it needs to be a bit more erect. It just doesn’t have the prominence it needs. This is a Dick Butt we’re talking about, after all, not a Butt Dick.”
Fred: “Annette, that’s why we’re fast-tracking your promotion. Excellent idea. OK, people, I think that one’s nailed down. What’s next? . . . ”
Ha ha. Very clever. You took the traditional F.T.W. (“Fuck the World”) tattoo and had it rendered it into a literal image. Good show, my friend. Hilarious.
But I’m going take this a step in the other direction.
How do you like this?
Or this?
Or how about this?
Ink Spotter: Bean Bucket
Earthquakes occur when enough pressure builds up underneath the Earth’s surface to cause a sudden release of energy through the crust. The vast majority of earthquakes are small enough as to be imperceptible. If, however, the pressure is allowed to build for a long period of time without release, an earthquake, when it finally occurs, can be large enough to cause severe damage and devastation.
Sexual repression works in much the same way.
Ink Spotter: Rippdemup
As you can see by the faded lettering in the lower right corner, this tattoo is a cover-up, meant to obscure an older tattoo that this person no longer likes. It’s not that he or she particularly wanted to be branded with a badly-executed penis and the title “Dick Sucka.” It just happened to be the only design that would sufficiently cover the old image.
Sadly, the image didn’t seem to make sense unless pointed upward toward the wearer’s mouth, so the intended cover was left unaccomplished. A silver lining is that in polite company, he or she can say, “Oh, ‘Dick Suckajer’? It’s a Dutch phrase. It means ‘dick sucka.’
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