Alright kids, it’s almost time to sign off for the year, but before you go throw on your shortest skirt and most uncomfortable heels to maximize discomfort while waiting in the freezing rain to get into the bar (that’s not just me, is it?), let me leave you with some New Year’s Eve safety tips from Ugliest Tattoos*.
If you see fairies, you’ve probably consumed too much absinthe. It’s time to go home. But don’t drive while you’re drunk. Have a glass of champagne to sober up first.
If you see a pitcher of Kool-Aid dancing around with the bottle of rum, you’ve probably consumed too much purple drank. It’s time to go home. But don’t drive while you’re drunk. Have a Steel Reserve to sober up first.
If you see your PBR running away with the Sriracha, you’ve probably consumed too much Four Loko. It’s time to go to a different party in Williamsburg. But don’t drive while you’re drunk. Have another line of coke off the back of a Sleigh Bells album to sober up first.
Have fun out there tonight!
.
*In no circumstance should you ever actually accept safety tips from Ugliest Tattoos. Do you take rides from strange men in vans too, dumbass?
