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Ink Spotter: Marge
Ink Spotter: Fenix
So what’ll it be? Jimmy Buffet’s tramp stamp, or the tat Britney Spears got with the hope that she’d get free service for life at Hot Dog on a Stick?
Come on, make up your mind.
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Ink Spotter: Ted
I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that any tattoo that’s giving the thumbs-up, regardless of the subject matter, was not well thought out. I think that Budweiser bottle on the ground can back me up on this one.
Also, I feel compelled to add a new tag just for secret shame pop culture thigh tats, which come up more often that you’d think. Sure, jokey pop culture tats appear on all kinds of body parts, but the lap seems to be reserved exclusively for that purpose.
Finally, I had to watch some Kool Aid commercials on Youtube to remind myself of just how stupid they were. Good lord! The ones from the 80s and 90s are such a painful reminder of all the hours I wasted in front of the TV as a child that I can’t bear to post one here, so here’s a gem from the 70s:
The horror. The horror.
Ink Spotter: Liz
I don’t really think I have to say anything about this tattoo. Just look at the expression on the crow’s face and know that I had the exact same reaction when I scrolled down and saw this shit show. That is, abject horror followed by ralphing up my Texas toast.
Happy Friday everyone. It’s been a long week, so I think it’s time to have some fun with another game of Shoot, Screw, or Marry.
Actually, this round might more appropriately be called Double-Homicide, Ménage à Threesome, or Move to a Utah Commune With, but that doesn’t exactly roll of the tongue.
Anyway, today’s lineup:
Source: Inked By Design
The Pillsbury Doughboy poppin’ his puff pastry into Little Debbie’s Swiss roll. At least, I think that’s Little Debbie. She’s wearing the hat, but wasn’t LD a brunette? Maybe it’s Alice in Wonderland? But that would be CRAZY!
Ink Spotter: Matthew C
A disturbingly graphic rendering of skunk rounding second base and sliding into third. Wait, do skunks have bases?
Ink Spotter: Andy
And…this. I would call it comically poor in execution, except that I’m not laughing.
My picks: Off the stick figures. Though I am curious to know if this guy goes around asking people if they “want to see his stick figure” before pulling down the waistband of his pants.
Get it on with the skunks. Ugh, I can’t believe I just said that. But hey, at least they have creepily humanlike sex organs, right?
Walk down the aisle with the cupcake couple. While I don’t condone such treatment of Little Debbie (homegirl always had my back in college), I can’t really say no to Pillsbury’s prefab cookie dough. Or those fucking cinnamon rolls in a tube. Really, you had me at “Toaster Scrambles®.”
Damn, this is a tough one! Your picks in the comments. And no, “shoot them all” is not an answer. Do you peek while playing Marco Polo too, cheaterface?
PS: Do you ever have a day when you really hope that your dad isn’t reading your blog? No? Uh, me either.
Ink Spotter: Bracken M
I have just a few questions:
1. Why?
2. What?
3. Did you have to register as a sex offender after you got this tattoo?
4. What?
5. Why?
Ink Spotter: Anonymous
I’m beginning to think that people are getting tattoos that defy explanation (and sanity) just to mess with me. I have nothing to say about you, Billy Mays Cupcake. Except that you are an insult to Ed McMahon, whose likeness I have yet to see rendered in permanent ink, with a cupcake or otherwise.
If you think the tattoo itself is crazy, wait till you see just who got it slap-chopped into his skin:
Submitted By: Marge
Twilight is a good argument for upping the minimum age required to get a tattoo. I haven’t seen it, but apparently there’s something about this unwashed chupacabra that sets hearts aflutter and brains a-stupid even outside the preteen set. So I’ve decided to keep my distance, lest I wake up from deprogramming to find myself with an unfortunate decision etched into my skin. My parents still haven’t forgiven me for that Rainbow Brite tattoo I got in first grade.
If you think the above is bad, well, it’s because you haven’t seen this:
Submitted By: Amy B
Oh no.
Source: PopHangover
Yes, this is a sure way to get laid. Gentlemen:* take note. Nothing makes the ladies flock like a hilarious tattoo of beef curtains. But don’t stop there! Be sure to go that extra mile and imply that behind the curtains lies an old and busted haunted house of a vagina.
What do the blue ribbons symbolize? Your passion for only the finest of hand-crafted brews? Thought so. I love you. Let’s meet in Vegas and get married. I’ll recognize you because you’ll be the most gentlemanly one there. The one with the top hat and monocle. And stupid fucking tattoo.
*I’m guessing this is a dude based on the hair up there near what I think is the inner elbow, but I suppose I could be wrong. I, ahem, might know a hirsute woman or two.**
**Okay, just one, and it’s me.
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