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Unicorns: they’re just like us!
Ink Spotter: Jessica
They fart rainbows!
Source: Holy Taco
They bleed rainbows!
Ink Spotter: Fun-Zor
They have disinterested sex and smoke cigarettes on rainbows!
Since today kicks off the last official weekend of summer, we thought we’d have ourselves a cookout—Ugliest Tattoos–style—and make today’s Shoot, Screw, or Marry about that staple of the summer barbecue: meat.
On the menu (see what I did there?):
Ink Spotter: Karmen
A tramp stamp celebrating carnivorous pleasures, including, of course, anthropomorphized ham.
Ink Spotter: dfw458
A Big Smile mannequin eating a burger with her pet… goat? I guess?
Ink Spotter: Logan B
…and a fussy hamburger and hot dog. You know what, hamburger and hot dog? If you don’t like you the way I make you, then make yourself…yourself! I don’t slave over a hot stove so I can hear you complain.
These tattoos don’t have just protein in common. They’re also all liberally seasoned with WTF. Overseasoned, one might say. I think Burger Girl might be unsalvageable. Can we just pour her down the disposal and order Thai instead?
Anyway, I guess I have to make some decisions. I’m going to shoot the tramp stamp, because I don’t like my food to have a face. That’s just gross. Screw the condiment committee. I guess they have faces too. But they also have toe hair. HIGH FIVE! I guess that leaves marrying the girl and her goat? Ugh. Oh well. Maybe the goat can explain to me what the hell is going on here.
Man, these just keep getting harder and harder. Frankly (HAH), I find it hard to pick any of these, because the way I see it,
Ink Spotter: Nieve K
Ink Spotter: Ellie
So you got your internal reproductive organs reproduced on the outside of your skin. Big effin deal. Call me when you man up (heh) and get a serious internal organ tattooed externally. Like your skull:
Source: Tattoo Design Group
Makes that uterus look like child’s play, doesn’t it? HA HA, get it? “Child’s play”? I slay me.
UPDATE:
Thanks to those commenters who have pointed us to more info on Zombie Boy. We found this interview particularly enlightening. Zombie Boy is predictably insane and also unintentionally hilarious. For example, this is his explanation of why he does what he does:
“I thought long and hard about what I really wanted, what my passion was. And I decided I wanted to be a fucking zombie.”
Kind of hard to argue with that, I guess. Here’s a more recent picture of him:
Source: Bizarre Magazine
Zombie Boy also says that he’s a “much happier person” since getting his tattoos and no longer wants “to fucking kill everybody.” So what do you think, ladies? Would you kick him out of bed for eating brains?
Ink Spotter: Anon
In the complex world of tattoo symbolism, the koi can mean a variety of things. One thing it may represent is overcoming adversity. A Jesus tattoo, of course, suggests a deep, abiding faith. Zombies seem to mean “I think zombies are effing cool, dude. They’re hardcore! They eat brains! Dude!”
So it takes only a little work to get to the bottom of this tattoo’s meaning. It means “I have had to overcome many obstacles in life, and have been able to do so only with the assistance of the ultimate badass, Jesus. All praise the J-man: he’s not just cool, he’s zombie-cool.”
Of course, it could also mean . . .
Submitted By: Satchmo
Look, I appreciate that this girl gone wild made an effort to get something other than a butterfly tramp stamp. But a shark eating a baby? In an ocean of blood? In her armpit? Couldn’t we have met in the middle somewhere? Like a shark tramp stamp? Or a butterfly in the armpit? Anything not eating a baby? Work with me here.
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