Submitted by: Unknown
Before you get down on Maria, please remember that real women have curves, and also sometimes asymmetrical eyes and really unfortunate bangs.
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She Seems . . . Nice
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If This Tat Could Talk
Jovndøyr on Keep it in Your Magazines Kinseth on Do I Have Enough Piercings to … kindness on Keep it in Your Magazines Ry on Sexy Body: Ruined Jovndøyr on Straight From the Hood Jovndøyr on Glow Worms? Jovndøyr on Sexy Body: Ruined AL on Played in the Key of Razor… AL on Played in the Key of Razor… Ry on Happy Mother’s Day!
It’s the Mexican donkey lady. Those flowers are for her if she gets a little hungry,but her favorite thing to eat is clovers. Just don’t feed her after midnight.
No no it is the flower zombie. You know they are coming when you hear their raspy voices calling “petalllllls”.
How pissed off is this guy? He probably has the same look on his face that Maria does.
Those are some…um…er….interesting bangs ya got there.
They aren’t even attached to the rest of her hair! Why is there a gap? What’s wrong with her neck? Why didn’t she shave her mustache and misplaced side burns? Why doesn’t she have eye lids?! I… I.. I’m so upset right now. Someone hold me. *sniffles*
She also lacks lips, although she has quite a set of molars straight across the front there, from the look of it.
Classy how this is right by the guy’s nipple, too. Honestly, the artists for Beevis and Butthead really can’t draw after they’ve had a few.
All these scratcher wannabe portrait “artists” are big on the “King of the Hill” teeth.
And they’re always colored in bright white. Nothing else on the portrait is in color, but the teeth-and the whites of the eyes-are blindingly white.
they think the best way to draw teeth is to outline every single tooth in BLACK. makes everyone look creeeeeeepy!
How do you solve a problem like Maria?
Laser tat removal.
I laughed.
I giggled.
west side story win
West Side Story fail. Sound of Music win.
No! Sound of Music win.
oops – Sarah fail!
WIN!
yes.
Get down on Maria? Seems like she’s the one who got Down’s.
Y’all are just hatin’ on dis tattoo cause dude be black, and shit…. Naw just jokin, this shit us wack
At the risk of sounding racist, I kind of assumed he is latino because of his dark skin combined with the name Maria. And yes Thisguy, it do be wack!
And sometimes they have no lips.
and this is why a tattoo artist has to know his/ her limitations. I for one do not do portraits, they can go from Miss America to Frankenstiens monster with one little sneeze or twitch.
and one giant nipple…
Give Mr. Potato Head his nose back!
Could it have happened like this:
Intern: Look, all I have really learned to do is poinsettias. I don’t know about doing a portrait.
Customer: Come on, I’ll kick in an extra ten spot. It’s worth it for immortalizing Maria forever. She got her hair and makeup done just for today.
Intern: Ok, that will be twenty dollars total, let’s roll.
I’d like to think that the artist was truly one of the best portrait tattooers known to mankind and that Maria looks exactly as pictured.
For the sake of this poor bastard and his future sex life, let’s pray that you’re right. If, on the other hand, it’s as bad a likeness as I’d bet it is, when Maria sees it she’ll be going down, all right. Down to pull a Bobbit on her idiot soon-to-be-ex boyfriend.
Unless, of course, that’s his daughter and not his GF. Then Daddy Dearest will probably get to keep his junk but will be paying Maria’s therapy bills for a long, long time.
So many great comments already, I’d take up another half page just for the kudos. Virtual kegger time! I lurve u guise ♥
ps – in before the buzzkillers
Back at you Anna. I vote Dogfish IPA for the virtual keg.
Ah, so many of these comments made me smile today. And this is by far not the worst portrait that has graced (to put it kindly) these pages. Even if you are a gorgeous woman, Maria, be grateful, it could be worse. Soooooo much worse.
Nice choppers. She could eat an apple through a tennis racket.
Ha! Reminds me of my Southern grandma who used to say “He could eat an ear of corn through a chain-link fence.”
Really though– no lips? NONE?
Although it’s been said, many tiiiiimes, many waaaaaays…..
KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!
Looks like a Far Side character. Maybe this guy really like Gary Lawson characters.
Just to point out something that’s really striking me out… how do you make a tattoo look so aged and faded from the very beginning? There are ink smears in his chest, and the skin is red… but even the so bright white eyes and teeth look faded! C’mon, I know that ink looks different on black people and all, but that much? Really?
Or maybe it’s a master technique we’d never heard about here in UT: the Fade To Black tattoo. Wanna break up with your gf, and you don’t know how to tell her? Get one of these pre-aged and awful looking tattoos and show it to her: she’ll leave you right away, and in 2 years from now it’ll have faded so much that nobody will be able to tell you got ink one day. Now, that’s a master play…
God you guys are hatin on this guy but he must really love Maria to get a tattoo of her despite her errrm… lack of lips and such. That’s TRUE LOVE!
I believe it’s meant to be maria marchese, stalker supreme… nice!
looks like napoleon dynamite did this piece…
Omg…lol I actually know this guy! He did it himself. O.o
Maria’s shortcomings aside, is it just me or do the bangs appear to be covering up another name or initials?
how do you solve the problem like mariaaaa?