Submitted by: Unknown
Really, people? Do I REALLY have to add a tag for genitalia with wings? Do you understand the kind of position this puts me in? When I go home and weep quietly into a pillow to happy hour and everyone with a normal job is complaining about the commute and the faulty Xerox machine, I’ll have nothing else to chime in with but “I had to round up a bunch of flying dicks.” It’s a real conversation ender.
Submitted by: brittany
I don’t want to know what dark corner of the Internet I’ll end up in by Googling “crucified Gumby,” so I’m not even going to try to find out why this is a thing. Anyway, I know that you meme-savvy people love to hop into a psychedelic cargo van and help a strange man find his puppy solve a good mystery, so I’ll leave the footwork (and unsavory browsing history) up to you. I’ll be the one hiding behind a lamppost eating Scoobie Snacks.
Submitted by: Unknown
Hey guys! It’s been a while since we’ve checked in on Werewolf Tranny Polio Jesus, so I thought you might like to know what’s been going on in his life. Looks like he’s been busy tending to his rose garden, and he got another cat!
Other than that, just the usual stuff! Meeting with his book club, obsessing over Mad Men, haunting your nightmares, and lovin’ life!
Submitted by: Unknown
When Ceiling Cat says that his vengeance will rain down upon us with great force, he wasn’t kidding.
Submitted by: Rachel
Uh oh. Was there some sort of law passed requiring people to get a tattoo commemorating their most awkward date? Because I really don’t want to have to relive the incident with the Streisand impersonator and Alex, his pet canary (nothing against you, Alex—you were cool). I don’t think I’m even supposed to talk about it until my pending litigation against Match.com is settled.
Submitted by: Unknown
Sad. I really hate to see horn-on-horn crime. The worst part is that a narwhal or unicorn who’s been the victim of a violent attack is ten times more likely to later perpetrate violence against a rhinoceros, water buffalo, or Hagar the Horrible.
Submitted by: Unknown’
Damn. Looks like it didn’t take long for the Montana Fishburne video to make a big impact. Maybe pornography IS her calling!
Submitted by: Unknown
Before you get down on Maria, please remember that real women have curves, and also sometimes asymmetrical eyes and really unfortunate bangs.
Submitted by: tofu
Wait, what? This isn’t a scene from Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure? Oh. Well eff that.
Submitted by: Unknown
Move over, Party Cat. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from working on this site, it’s that dinosaurs are the real party animals.
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