Ugliest Tattoos: Bad, Awful & Horrible tattoos

Archive for December, 2009

The Year in Review

Dec. 31, 2009

Well guys, it’s the last day of 2009, a year that’s been, among other things, one of losses. Besides Bea Arthur, David Carradine, and Patrick Swayze, we lost…

Too Soon...Submitted by: dunno source via Submission Page

Michael Jackson…

Funny Tattoos: This needs to be slap-chopped out of existenceInk Spotter: Check Out My Ink

Billy Mays…

Funny Tattoos: My piano teacher died?!!Ink Spotter: Elizabeth R

And… uh, this lady, apparently. Rest in peace, Nanny.

But 2009 hasn’t been all bad, of course. It was also the year that Kanye stole the show, Britney had her big and not at all dubious or contrived comeback, and I learned what a “fursona” is. So. Yay?

Maybe 2010 will be better.

Anyway, stay safe out there kids. And if you get roaring drunk tonight, remember to take a cab or public transit to the nearest tattoo parlor. And send pics to ugliest.tattoos@gmail.com.

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Game Time!

Dec. 31, 2009

Funny Tattoos: It’s bald Britney, bitchSubmitted by: Photobucket via Submission Page

Three of these kids belong together.
Three of these kids are kind of the same.

Funny Tattoos: I’d have gone with Wallace Shawn, but to each his ownInk Spotter: Sean

But one of these kids is doing his own thing.
Now it’s time to play our game (a-time to play our game).

Toupe TattooSubmitted by: local mugshots in my area via Submission Page

Which of these kids is doing his own thing?
Come on, can you tell which one?

Funny Tattoos: Swim class at Camp Crystal Lake Submitted by: dunno source via Submission Page

Can you tell which kid is doing his own thing
Before my song is done?

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I’ll Take Two. Wait, Does He Come With the Beer? I'll Take Five

Dec. 30, 2009

HelfuckingveticaSubmitted by: dunno source via Submission Page

Here’s a little something for the ladies. Ladies love nerding out over typography, right? Thought so.

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Humpty Dumpty . . . All Over the Place

Dec. 30, 2009

Humpty Dumpty... All over the place.Submitted by: dunno source via Submission Page

Humpty Dumpty, etched in your skin,
Humpty Dumpty, balls on his chin.
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men
Know not to get inked in an opium den.

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How Many Licks Does it Take to Get That the Hell Off?

Dec. 29, 2009

Graphic Oral DisplaySubmitted by: On the streets via Submission Page

Trust me, this doesn’t work, I got a Pudding Pop tattooed onto my bicep after they tragically stopped manufacturing them, but licking it doesn’t provide nearly the same satisfaction as the real deal. And now people keep asking me what “that brown log” is on my arm. I can only imagine what this woman goes through. Because that tamale looks an awful lot like a vagina.

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And Be Sure to Get a Gift Receipt

Dec. 29, 2009

Pretty Good Deal, ActuallySubmitted by: On the streets via Submission Page

Based on the flowery pajama bottoms and lacy panties, I’m going to venture a guess that this is a woman. So I don’t know what exactly she has to offer in the way of mustache rides, but I’m willing to bet they’re not worth more than a penny. Two cents tops.

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I Got it in Honor of Claudia and the Sad Good-bye

Dec. 28, 2009

This Needs To Stop, People.
Submitted by: dunno source via Submission Page

When I see this tattoo, I want to weep for the future.

That said, was my generation any better? I am living proof that no, no we were not:

Funny Tattoos: First one to "break" the story that this is Photoshopped is kicked off the Internet

“Kristy’s Great Idea” my ass.

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Would You Settle for a Hot Pocket?

Dec. 28, 2009

Whatever You SaySubmitted by: dunno source via Submission Page

I suppose that in a very real sense, one could find themselves in a situation where one must either eat pizza or die. Say, for example, at the airport, where I am now. The only thing open at this ungodly hour is, for reasons I will never understand, a Pizza Hut Express. So my choices are to go get a personal-sized circle of lukewarm toxic waste, or stay here in the gate area between two screaming children and a guy who very clearly has swine flu. Also, there are no fewer than three douchebags shouting into their Bluetoothes about how their New Year’s Eve is going to be “off the hook, yo,” which is putting me dangerously close to an aneurism. So yeah, I’m going to go with the pizza.

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The Real Reason for the Season

Dec. 27, 2009

Have You Been Touched By His Noodly Appendage?Submitted by: dunno source via Submission Page

For those of you who might be growing weary of hearing about the big J.C., here’s a little relief: the Flying Spaghetti Monster creates mankind. Personally I would have preferred the birth of a nice bowl of pasta carbonara, or hell, even an eggplant parmesan, but I guess it’s a start.

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Where in the World Are Carmen Sandiego’s Clothes?

Dec. 27, 2009

WTF Is Carmen SandiegoSubmitted by: internet page via Submission Page

I don’t know, but I’ve been told, a big-legged woman ain’t got no soul. And also that she has areolas the size of LaserDiscs.

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