Submitted by: At a local bookstore Twilight quiz night! via Submission Page
Is this poorly executed? Or did someone walk into a tattoo parlor and say, “Give me Robert Pattinson, but make it look like he just got some bad Botox. No, I mean, like, really bad. Like so bad that it paralyzed the right side of his face. Also, give him MacGyver’s hair. Perfect.”
I would like to preface this by saying that I am 100 percent in favor of getting a Golden Girls tattoo. The Golden Girls was truly one of the best shows of all time, and I would have one myself if most of my skin wasn’t already taken up with Matlock-themed body suit.
That said, if you’re going to get a Golden Girls tattoo, there’s a right way to do it and a wrong way to do it. Allow me to illustrate some of the Dos and Don’ts of getting your Golden Girls tattoo:
DON’T:
Submitted by: dunno source via Submission Page
…make Bea Arthur look like a zombie. I know she died recently, but this is just plain disrespectful.
DON’T:
Ink Spotter: Anon
…accidentally get Sue Ann Nivens instead of Rose Nylund. It’s an easy mistake to make, so here’s a handy guide to help you out:
Print it out and keep it in your wallet so you’ll always have it handy for impromptu Golden Girls tattoo sessions.
DON’T:
Ink Spotter: Alexander
…have your artist style Dorothy after Saddam Hussein as he appears in South Park:
Again, disrespectful.
As for Dos, well…nothing’s really coming to mind. Perhaps DO your homework before getting a quartet of geriatrics inked into your skin to lower the risk of looking like you have a tattoo of the California Raisins. Also, DO have a cheesecake waiting at home for you while you’re getting the tattoo. Nothing dulls the pain of bad ink like a slice of cheesecake.
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Ink Spotter: Gabby H
I just pulled out my dictionary to see what words start with “N-A-K-I,” and it turns out there aren’t any. So obviously this is a misspelling of the word meant to describe a state of nudity. Let me help you out: your people spell it N-E-K-K-I-D. You’re welcome.
Ink Spotter: Anna F
What? You didn’t think that your first-grade teacher was covered in dick tattoos underneath her turtleneck and oversized holiday-themed cardigans? Miss Janie has a life of her own, you know.
Uncensored picture after the jump.
Ink Spotter: Anon
Um… I hate it when that happens?
Oh wait, I get it. This is like that cock-that-hangs-below-the-knee tat, isn’t it? This guy goes into bars and bets people that he has malformed toothbrush stabbed through his gut, and then when they ask him what the hell he’s been smoking, he says, “Crack!” And then everyone has a hearty laugh, and he doesn’t care that no one took him up on his bet, because he too high on crack to remember how he even got to the bar in the first place.
Submitted by: dunno source via Submission Page
I know that André the Giant took a couple of heel turns over the course of his professional wrestling career, but I don’t remember the one that involved him dressing in drag. Who knew he had such nice legs? Or at least one nice leg. The left one looks a little scrawny.
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Ink Spotter: Natalie
I have various reactions to tramp stamps. Usually I find them annoyingly cliché. Occasionally I’ll like one that’s cute or clever. Never have I seen one and thought, “Too long; didn’t read.” Until now.
Submitted by: wep pages on this internets via Submission Page
So. It’s some sort of plumber demon, whose mutant genitalia have a giant pointed tongue draping from them. Or maybe the tongue is coming out of the feces-leaking toilet throne? It’s kind of hard to tell. But hey, thanks for covering her tits up with a tasteful little tube top. Because exposed nipples would have been gross.
Submitted by: dunno source via Submission Page
I know that we’re facing some tough economic times, but this is not an efficient way to supplement one’s income. By the time you collect enough change to cover the cost of the tattoo, you’ll have busted a hole in your pants. And the embarrassment of having small children run around at your feet picking up coins like you’re some sort of human piñata is much greater than that of standing in line at the unemployment office.
Ink Spotter: Lisette
Now this is a tattoo I can get behind. I still well up every time when Chunk says, “Sloth, you’re gonna live with me now,” somehow effortlessly suspending any disbelief that Chunk’s dad would be all like “Yeah, TOTALLY bring home deformed John Matuszak! I’m FINE with this plan!”
That said, in a few years there will be a generation of adults for whom The Goonies is not the nostalgic icon that it is for us. And those people are going to ask you why you have a tattoo of a retarded pirate on your arm. If there are any measures you can take to prepare yourself for this outcome, you should probably do it.
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