Ink Spotter: Christian
Oh, gross. Blue sparkly nail polish? YUCK.
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Archive for October, 2009
Don’t Laugh. She Swims 0.01 mph Faster Than You
Oct. 21, 2009
Can You Get Salmonella from Dinosaurs? It Looks a Little Underdone
Oct. 20, 2009
Ink Spotter: Jay
I’m not sure this tattoo was necessary. I could have seen that leg completely unadorned and my first guess still would have been “Enjoys brontosaurus drumsticks.” Okay, maybe not the first guess, but definitely in the top five. Probably before “Hypothyroidism,” but after “Caused the extinction of the wooly mammoth by eating the entire population…as an appetizer.”
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Oh . . . Hey. How Long Have You Been Standing There?
Oct. 20, 2009
Ink Spotter: Luke
Um. Suddenly I can’t think of anything to say.
Anything except “STOP! In the NAAAAAAME of loooooooove, before you break my heart. Think it oh-whoa-ver. Baby, baby, think it oh-whoa-ver.”
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Done and Done
Oct. 19, 2009
Ink Spotter: Nieske V
Congratulations, this tattoo is going to be wildly successful in repelling the advances of fat chicks. And BONUS: it’ll work on all kinds of other chicks too. Way to kill 3.396 billion birds with one stone. And by “kill” I mean “not have sex with.”
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Top Greetings. Of the Beautiful, Today Is.
Oct. 19, 2009
Our hilarious friends over at Engrish Funny have reminded us that the Japanese haven’t quite cornered the market on poor translations. Frat boys and other idiots in our very own U.S. and A. have been abusing Asian languages for decades. For every laugh we have at confusingly translated signage, someone in China has one at our inability to read what we have inked onto our own bodies.
This gentleman, for example, thought he did everything right by going to Japan to get a native speaker to do his tattoo, which he was told read “Dragon Soul,” whatever the hell that means:
Source: Hanzi Smatter
Unfortunately, the joke is—literally—on him, because it says “gaijin,” the derogatory Japanese word for “foreigner.”
So what about you, dear readers? Do you or your friends have awesome foreign tattoos and a dubious grasp on their translation? Send us your pics by this Friday, and we’ll put up the best ones next week. Bonus points if you include the intended meaning behind the tattoo, and super-double-gloriness points if the actual translation is different.
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Needs More Glitter Too
Oct. 18, 2009
Ink Spotter: Brittany
This tattoo isn’t completely accurate. Mariah Carey’s breasts are MUCH bigger than that.
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How Many Cheese-Wedge Tramp Stamps Do You Think There Are in Green Bay?
Oct. 18, 2009
Ink Spotter: Peter
Fuck City? Is that what they’re calling Green Bay these days? Well, I guess that’s better than “Titletown, USA.” I always thought that was a pretty bland nickname for a city.
Way to go, Green Bay—I mean, Fuck City. Sounds like you’re really…
Ink Spotter: Sam
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Pleased to Meet You
Oct. 17, 2009
Ink Spotter: Bob Bob
Hey Kelly, thanks so much for the reminder. It probably saved someone the trouble of tattooing “I’m sorry, what was your name again?” right above his dick.
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This Would Go Nicely with a Tattoo of Some Cooler Ranch Doritos
Oct. 17, 2009
Ink Spotter: Michelle
At first I was scared that this was another Juggalo tattoo, but then I remembered that their kind favors Faygo, not Fanta.
And that, I would venture, is about as cold as comfort gets before freezing solid and falling off.
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What’s the Opposite of Penis Envy? Because That’s What I Have Right Now
Oct. 16, 2009
Well, it’s been a sexually confusing week, hasn’t it? We’ve seen all sorts of things we wish we could unsee. I thought I’d wrap up with something safe and nonsexual to wash the taste out of our mouths, like maybe a kitten wearing a burka. Shockingly, I couldn’t find anything like that, so I guess I’ll finish what I started and make today’s Shoot, Screw, or Marry exactly as rated-R-for-sexual-content as the rest of this week has been.
Keep an eye on your drinks, ladies, because here come some dicks. First up:
Ink Spotter: Anon
A dick in a cake, apparently made by someone named “Mamma Bear.” Hey Mamma Bear, maybe next time try starting with something simple, like chocolate or red velvet, before moving on to complicated dick cakes, because this one sucks.
Ink Spotter: Scott
A dick on a tank. I guess Barry Goldwater had his “AU H2O” license plate, and Dick Armey has, uh…this.
Ink Spotter: Anon
And finally, a sad looking dick in front of a blob of Aquafresh. And if you’re about to say, “That’s not toothpaste, idiot, it’s a pair of wings,” don’t bother. It could be the mustache waxed off the Statue of Liberty herself, and it still wouldn’t make this tattoo okay.
Somewhere out there, a psychotherapist is chewing on his pen and longing for the days of sexual repression.
Anyway, I guess I’ll shoot Panzer dick. He started it, plus I’m not into Blitzkrieg sex. Screw patriotic dick, because I love you, America, and I think it’s time we take our relationship to the next level, if you know what I’m saying. And marry cupcake dick, because you know what? A cupcake is a cupcake. It could have a lit stick of dynamite in it, and I still wouldn’t say no.
Next week I promise at least one fluffy kitten. Unfortunately, it’ll probably have a dick stuck to it somewhere.
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If This Tat Could Talk
BUTT on BUTTCEPTION Natasha on I Fail the Line tyberius on Even Your Tattoo Is Sad About … Seven on Recipe for Awesome Shark on Even Your Tattoo Is Sad About … chrisuscfan on Recipe for Awesome Ren on Tramp Stamp Up tonique on Recipe for Awesome bug man on Recipe for Awesome Jed Dye on Tramp Stamp Up
