Ink Spotter: Joseph
Dr. Bruce Banner designed the very gamma bomb that led to his life-altering involuntary tendency to turn into the Incredible Hulk when he gets angry. And judging by the quality, this guy applied this tattoo to the back of his own head, leading to his involuntary celibacy.
And despite the similarities, I feel like only one of those situations would make a halfway decent feature-length film.
Ink Spotter: Jordan
It’s been so long since I’ve seen a vampire that wasn’t a sparkly greaseball or an anemic Swedish girl that I almost forgot what the classic representation looked like.
And by “classic representation,” I mean David Arquette in the original Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I don’t know what the fuck this tattoo is all about.
It seems pretty clear that “zombie” is poised to unseat “sexy” as the Halloween costume descriptor for 2009. Ten years ago we were all dressing as the sexy version of something for Halloween, like a sexy kitten, sexy vampire, or a sexy Boris Yeltsin (don’t tell me I was the only one). My prediction for this year is that we’ll see Zombie Lindsay Lohan (not really a stretch), Zombie Kate Gosselin, and Zombie Balloon Boy (don’t steal that one—it’s mine).
If this were about sexy tattoos, then perhaps deciding who to Shoot, Screw, or Marry would be easy (or perhaps not). But it’s about the walking dead. So choose carefully, because if horror films are any indication, zombies are pretty hard to get rid of. Especially when they’re tattooed into your skin.
Anyway, BRAAAAIIINNNSS (that’s zombie-language for “Here are today’s contenders”):
Ink Spotter: Karl
First we have Zombie Rambo. At least I think this is a zombie. Maybe that’s just what Stallone looked like in the last film?
Ink Spotter: Matthew
Zombie Michael Jackson. With wooden shoes. And a giant bulge in his pants.
Ink Spotter: Steven M
…and Abraham Lincoln: sixteenth President of the United States, the Great Emancipator, Zombie. Looks like the Gettysburg Address is going to need some revisions:
We have come to dedicate a portion of that field as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live.
What, no Zombie Keyboard Cat? You people have no respect.
I’m going to have to shoot Rambo, because he’s giving me post-traumatic stress disorder. I’ll definitely screw Lincoln, because I’m not going to pass up an opportunity to brag to my friends that I banged the Zombie Father of Our Country. Or wait, was he Old Rough and Zombie? Tippecazombie? Whatever. Anyway, I guess that leaves marrying The Zombie of Pop. Does that mean I’m the heir to Zombie Neverland Ranch?
Leave us your picks in the comments, and while you’re there, tell us what kind of zombie you’re dressing up as tomorrow!
Ink Spotter: Madison L
Well guys, tomorrow’s Halloween. Did you remember to go buy candy? If not, here’s a little cheesecake for you instead. I’m not going to say this tattoo is ugly, but I hope this woman is prepared for a lifetime of spectacularly douchey pickup lines. I’ll give her three Well don’t you look sweet?’s and one Can I lick your lollipop? before she’s Googling “laser tattoo removal.”
Source: Inked Mag
All this Halloween talk has made me nostalgic for the Halloweens of my childhood, which consisted mostly of eating massive amounts of candy and watching Elvira on television. So to keep in compliance with the No Childhood Memory Left Unruined Act, I hunted around for some Elvira tattoos and immediately came across this gem.
Is that supposed to be a skull in the lower left, or did a bald guy wander into the frame while the tattoo artist was doing the piece? Anyway, if you need something to wash the image of the world’s most awkward sideboob out of your head, here’s a clip of the real Mistress of the Dark:
Ink Spotter: M.M.
Michael Bay didn’t want this to get out, but the upcoming remake of Wes Craven’s horror classic is set in Nazi Germany. A Nightmare on Ulm Street: Fright of the Long Knives is set to open in the spring of 2010.
A Reichmare on Elm Street? No? How about A Nightmare on Elm Street, and by “on Elm Street” We Mean “for Teenagers and Jews”? I’ll keep working on it.
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Ink Spotter: Gigi
The Blair Witch 3: The Ballad of Schticky Bobby takes the film series in a new direction. In this installment, Will Ferrell plays the witch, who terrorizes the Maryland wilderness with his particular brand of offbeat comedy.
Ink Spotter: Mike
I’m so excited, you guys. I’ve finally decided on a Halloween costume, and it’s a classic: the sexy nurse. And if I’m to believe this tattoo, all I need to do is get my hands on a pair of thigh-high boots, a caulking gun, and a vintage ice bucket. And by “hands” I mean “horribly deformed flippers.” Try to control yourselves, boys.
Ink Spotter: Anon
Oh, look! A spooky old tree. Someone loves Halloween! It’s just too bad that tattoo will be covered up when you put on your ghost costume. Trick or treat!
Last week we teamed up with our friends over at Engrish Funny and asked you guys to send us your reverse-Engrish tattoos, and you didn’t let us down! We had them translated by the lovely and talented Ellyn Henriksen, who is now considering getting “WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?!!” tattooed onto her neck. Sorry about that, Ellyn.
Here are some of our favorite entries. Drop by Engrish Funny today to see more tattoos, and all kinds of other insanity.
Stacy H. got this tattoo eleven years ago with her BFF, hoping that it meant “sisters” (side note: tattoos about sisters will forever send a chill down my spine). Unfortunately, the characters are backwards. Were they correct, the tat would say “mei mei,” or “little sister.” Close, Stacy, but no cigar.
Ellyn suggests that you change it to “xiao mei mei,” or “little little sister,” which is slang for vagina. Ellyn is kind of a sicko.
Stephanie N. sent us this picture with no explanation (or warning. Thanks, Steph!). The tattoo means “friend.” Shouldn’t that be “little friend?” Someone get this guy a “xiao.” It’s on me.
The owner of this tattoo, submitted to us by Kristin G., wants you to know that she is a “drunk slut.” She came close, as this tattoo says “drunk whore.” However, our translator points out that “slut” and “whore” are not used interchangeably in Chinese, so rather than suggesting promiscuity, it reads more like “drunk woman who takes money for sex.”
Am I the only one who’s starting to like this girl?
Thanks so much to everyone who sent in pictures. If you don’t see one of your body parts here, you can breathe a sigh of relief, because it probably means that your tattoo doesn’t say “Napalm frittata” or “spaghetti fucker.” Congrats! Duplicate gratitudeness to Ellyn and Engrish Funny. I’ve already got an appointment to get your names inked onto my shoulder blades in Japanese. They should already have flash art of “Engrish Funny” written in Kanji, right?
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