Ugliest Tattoos: Bad, Awful & Horrible tattoos
 
 
 

Archive for September, 2009

Their Other Passions Are Food!, Things!, And Stuff!

Sep. 13, 2009

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Funny Tattoo - diy isn't alwasy the answerInk Spotter: Anon

It’s Sunday, which means it’s time to watch sports! Right? Hell if I know. The only sport I’ve ever watched is college football, which happens on Saturdays, and that’s ruined now anyway.

So, since I don’t know much about sports, I assume, based on this picture, that men celebrate their love of sports by getting together to take off their pants and stab the word “Sports” into their knees with mom’s sewing needle and the ink from a Bic pen. A tradition as old as Buffalo wings and jalapeño poppers. Really stupid, homoerotic jalapeño poppers.

Right guys?

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End-Of-Summer BBQ!

Sep. 12, 2009

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Funny Tattoos: Won't you pack your backs, we'll leave tonightInk Spotter: Marge

Funny Tattoo - Arm FlabInk Spotter: Fenix

So what’ll it be? Jimmy Buffet’s tramp stamp, or the tat Britney Spears got with the hope that she’d get free service for life at Hot Dog on a Stick?

Come on, make up your mind.

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Yes I Am With You Always, Until The Very End Of Time

Sep. 11, 2009

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Maybe I should save this for Sunday, but you guys know how I like to wrap up the work week with a round of Shoot, Screw, or Marry (and also bottle of Jim Beam, but that is neither here nor there). And if there’s a Hell, then housekeeping is making up a cot in the basement for me as I write this, because today’s edition is all about our homie up in Heaven: Jesus Christ.

Hark! (or some other bible-y word), the contenders:

Funny Tattoos: WTF?
Source: Fun Blog

LolJesus. Hey, I’m happy to see he’s managed to keep his sense of humor after all that he’s been through.

Funny Tattoos: Do you know what the queers are doing to the soil?Ink Spotter: Hanna

Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick! Now, don’t get me wrong, I love the Dead Milkmen more than anyone, but I think this image is something better suited to, say, a goofy t-shirt than a goofy torso-length tattoo. Because I’m not a 14-year-old boy. And personally, I’d be having a crisis of faith the moment His pogo stick caused those stretch marks.

Funny Tattoo - in God's eyes, we're all special.Ink Spotter: kittygritty

…and retarded Jesus. Can the short bus pass through the eye of a needle?

Pretty Jesus-y up in here this week, huh? Don’t worry, next week we’ll get back to our regularly scheduled sacrilege. Anyway, my picks: shoot retarded Jesus. I’m sorry if that’s insensitive, but I just don’t think we’d have that much in common. Besides being retarded.

Screw pogo Jesus. What can I say? I’ve had an incredibly immature crush on the Dead Milkmen since forever, and this is the closest I’ll ever get to having awkward teenage sex with them.

Marry LolJesus. There’s something about his body language that tells me he wouldn’t be into me romantically, but I think we could have a good time together. Plus he probably could use a beard—I don’t think his dad would approve of his lifestyle, if you know what I’m saying.

Whew! I don’t know about you, but I feel the power of Christ compelling me! Or is this what it feels like when you’re about to get smote? If you have any faith at all, you’d better get your picks in the comments soon.

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Sorry Dude, I Thought You Were A Birch Tree!

Sep. 10, 2009

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Funny Tattoo - damn straight.Ink Spotter: Anon

I’ll bet you think you’ve been really drunk before, right?

You have no idea.

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Oh Yeah!

Sep. 9, 2009

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Ted-Oh-yeah-P
Ink Spotter: Ted

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that any tattoo that’s giving the thumbs-up, regardless of the subject matter, was not well thought out. I think that Budweiser bottle on the ground can back me up on this one.

Also, I feel compelled to add a new tag just for secret shame pop culture thigh tats, which come up more often that you’d think. Sure, jokey pop culture tats appear on all kinds of body parts, but the lap seems to be reserved exclusively for that purpose.

Finally, I had to watch some Kool Aid commercials on Youtube to remind myself of just how stupid they were. Good lord! The ones from the 80s and 90s are such a painful reminder of all the hours I wasted in front of the TV as a child that I can’t bear to post one here, so here’s a gem from the 70s:

 

The horror. The horror.

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I’ve Heard Of The Jesus Lizard, But. . .

Sep. 8, 2009

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funny tattoo - Zombie Eucharist Ink Spotter: Anon

In the complex world of tattoo symbolism, the koi can mean a variety of things. One thing it may represent is overcoming adversity. A Jesus tattoo, of course, suggests a deep, abiding faith. Zombies seem to mean “I think zombies are effing cool, dude. They’re hardcore! They eat brains! Dude!”

So it takes only a little work to get to the bottom of this tattoo’s meaning. It means “I have had to overcome many obstacles in life, and have been able to do so only with the assistance of the ultimate badass, Jesus. All praise the J-man: he’s not just cool, he’s zombie-cool.”

Of course, it could also mean . . .

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You Should See Her Minnie Mouse Tramp Stamp

Sep. 7, 2009

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Funny Tattoo - WhyInk Spotter: Cara

Where does one start with a disaster of these proportions? The trite sentiment? The crappy portraits? The inclusion of Disney characters?

Taken all together it’s a bit more than I can handle emotionally, so let’s put the main tattoo aside for now and talk instead about the maple leaf up there at the top. Some of you may recognize it as the logo for the Canadian Baseball League, a minor league that was started in 2003. And ended in 2003. That’s right, the league lasted less than a year. Less than a season, actually.

So, woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks to be inked with the logo of a sports league that didn’t even last as long as the XFL. And really, who gets a tattoo of the league’s logo, rather than that of a particular team? When you think about it, that little maple leaf contained the seeds of fail that would eventually germinate into the clusterfuck down below. Disney should sue, because I’m pretty sure their stock price drops every time this woman decides to wear a backless tank top out of the house.

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When You’re Feelin’ Blue, He’ll Get You High, Yes That’s What He’ll Do

Sep. 6, 2009

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Funny Tattoos - High DolphinInk Spotter: Fashion of the Christ

Poor Flipper. He made some bad decisions in the early 80s, but the tribal arm band was probably the worst. What kind of jobs are out there for a dolphin with a tacky tattoo? Well, besides that one gig at the Six Flags in New Jersey, but let’s not talk about that now that he’s finally got a buzz going. But it’s not like he can wear a long-sleeve shirt to auditions. And concealer just washes right off in those chlorinated pools.

These days he mostly just sits around waiting for his agent to call and getting baked with Archimedes from The Sword in the Stone. What, you didn’t think that guy was a stoner? Think again:

Come on, it wasn’t THAT funny.

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I Don’t Know What Arena Football Logo That Is, But It’s Scaring Your Kid

Sep. 5, 2009

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Funny-Tattoos-BirdOrGeometry?Ink Spotter: Clinton R

Dude, what is with the gratuitous butt crackery here? We know that sometimes, for better or for worse (okay, worse), you’ve got to deal some crack in order to show off your ink, but NOT WHEN IT’S ON YOUR UPPER BACK. Pull your damn pants up.

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Or Maybe They’re Just Severely Allergic To Bee Stings

Sep. 4, 2009

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I was going to make this a Shoot, Screw, or Marry post, but even I would sooner turn the gun on myself than choose one of these tattoos for anything other than laser removal. So I merely ask you to tell me, without any obligation of hypothetical matrimony or carnal relations, which of these is the worst?

Funny Tattoos: It burns! It burns!
Ink Spotter: Bianca H

Regan MacNeil from The Exorcist. I guess it’s well done, but why the hell would anyone get this tattoo, aside from having lost a bet? I mean, I thought Ghostbusters II was a great movie, but you don’t see me getting a tattoo of Vigo the Carpathian.

UT-ShallowGenePool
Source: TattooBlog.org

Someone’s portrait of their daughter, so poorly executed that she just happens to LOOK like Regan MacNeil from The Exorcist. Vigo the Carpathian is looking better and better.

Funny Tattoos: Does this count as child abuse?Ink Spotter: William P

…or what I fear might be a well executed tattoo of some kids who just happen to be really ugly. I don’t want to be mean, but those faces look like they’ve seen their share of bar fights. And everyone else’s share of bar fights. And meth.

So, dear readers, which is the worst? I can’t decide. Each one makes me feel like I’m getting stabbed in the eye with a dirty tattoo needle. Filled with ink the color of despair. And hepatitis.

Happy Friday!

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