Ink Spotter: Nieske V
Bandicoots are medium-sized marsupials native to Australia and New Guinea. They have long, pointy noses and thin legs. They are also deeply racist.
-
-
Copy & paste this:
Archive for September, 2009
This Is Why You Should Wait Until After Middle School
Sep. 30, 2009
Let's Never Speak of This Again
Sep. 30, 2009
Ink Spotter: Fenix
I don’t really want to talk (or think) about this tattoo and the predilections it implies. I would, however, like to know what it is about an interest in this, um… subject matter that apparently leads to a serious misunderstanding of what hands look like. I ask because of this:
Ink Spotter: Alfie
I mean, that is what I think it is, right? Actually, don’t answer that. All I want to know is why Divine’s hands have to be involved.
You know what? I don’t want to know that either. Just disregard this post. I plan to.
-
-
Copy & paste this:
Great, Now I’m Going to Have That Song Stuck in My Head for the Rest of the Day
Sep. 29, 2009
Here at Ugliest Tattoos, we are not opposed to making light of tragedy. We do, however, believe that some tragedies carry a little more weight than others. Billy Mays’ death? Kinda funny. The Holocaust? Maybe give it a few more years. Michael Jackson jokes? Hilarious. AIDS epidemic? Risky.
This?
Ink Spotter: Stephanie C
Damn. After having worked on this site for a few months, I thought I’d lost my ability to even recognize poor taste. Then this came along. So. . . thanks?
-
-
Copy & paste this:
Faced!
Sep. 29, 2009
Ink Spotter: Lauren
Believe it or not, these are court-ordered tattoos. That’s right, these guys didn’t pay someone to get these, they were legally compelled to. The Git-R-Dun guy? A college professor who breached a contract. The court wanted to embarrass him, and remind him of what contracts require. Psycho? He submitted a script to Paramount that basically ripped-off the Norman Bates story. Now he’s reminded daily of his infringement.
Judges are getting pretty creative these days. Check out what happened to this guy found guilty of contempt of court:
Ink Spotter: Anon
-
-
Copy & paste this:
But Hey, Thanks For the Heads-Up
Sep. 28, 2009
Ink Spotter: Alfie
Let’s see, what do we have here? Simulating a sexual act, with a beer bottle, inside a car. I don’t think the tattoo was really necessary.
On another note, have you ever had Miller Chill? I’ve got nothing against a bottle of cheap brew on a Monday morning Sunday afternoon, but this shit tastes like it has a lime Otter Pop dissolved in it. I know times are tough, but really, do yourself a favor and shell out the $0.19 for an actual lime. You deserve it.
» Be the first to leave a comment
-
-
Copy & paste this:
Apologies To Elton John
Sep. 28, 2009
Ink Spotter: Jennifer B
Hold me closer, tiny dancer
‘Cause we’re stuck together that way
Why’d you ever get this inked in?
You took too much acid that day
Ink Spotter: James
Hold me closer, Tony Danza
You drove a taxi on the highway
Changing Mona’s bedroom linens
Is that the highlight of your day?
Ink Spotter: Malina G
Pleistocene baby, dragon lady, oviparous in the sand
Beady-eyed, deadly bite, you native of Swaziland
Filipina? From Indonesia? Or are you from Sudan?
And now it’s pinned me, shit it bit me, Giant Lizard bit my hand
Oh with your jaws like steel
And tiny ears, please don’t come near
I’m scared of you, but you can’t hear me
When I scream awfully, “Holy…”
Hold me closer Giant Lizard
Count the head-bites you sent my way
Slay me now with teeth in my skin
You murderous Varanidae
-
-
Copy & paste this:
Whither Goest Thou, Master? IHOP? Sweet!
Sep. 27, 2009
Ink Spotter: Christopher
On this holy Sabbath, I give you the Cross of Saint Peter, Prince of the Apostles, first Bishop of Rome, and, according to a little-know apocryphal text, founder of Jews for Bacon.
-
-
Copy & paste this:
She Would Call It A Maizedog
Sep. 26, 2009
Ink Spotter: krl
I didn’t think there was anything sexier than Gollum with tits dressed as one of the Village People, but that’s because I’d never seen Gollum with tits dressed as one of the Village People hugging a giant corndog.
-
-
Copy & paste this:
Tit For Tat
Sep. 25, 2009
In the world of tattoos, there are many recurring themes. Some more common motifs include sailor imagery, religious emblems, and sports allegiances. Also, boobies.
For that reason, and because we have the maturity level of a junior high schooler off his ADHD meds, today’s Shoot, Screw, or Marry is all about boobies.
At the top of the stack (GONG!):
Ink Spotter: Anonymous
Conan the Barbarian with two chicks from the back of a Big Johnson t-shirt. Despite the naked ladies, I’m getting a strong gay vibe from this tattoo. I don’t know if it’s the bulge in Conan’s skivvies or the fact that this picture looks like it was taken in a suburban nail salon. Either way, I don’t want to know what happened to his missing gauntlet.
Ink Spotter: Marie-Ann
Now, I know what you all are going to say. “Dude, that’s totally hott!” “This isn’t ugly at all!” “FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING LOSER GET A FUCKIN LIFE!!!1!” (trust me, someone will say that). But I beg to differ (except with the part about getting a life. I should probably do that). This shit looks like it was copied off a poster stolen from a Dungeon Master’s basement. And if it takes this much effort to rustle up some nerd penis, then you’re doing something wrong.
Ink Spotter: Anonymous
…and finally, the bearded lady. Or maybe this tattoo is to suggest that Jesus had tits, which would really make the debate about his ethnicity seem insignificant.
My picks: Shoot the Whitesnake-album-with-bad-implants back piece. She looks like the type that feigns bisexuality to get attention from boys at the Ren fair, an agenda I’d prefer not further. Screw gay Conan and his beard harem. I just hope he doesn’t stuff his loincloth. And marry lady-Jesus. Wait, does that make me a nun?
Another tough call! Your picks in the comments.
-
-
Copy & paste this:
Any Questions?
Sep. 24, 2009
Ink Spotter: Julie
Crude as this may be, there’s no denying that it would come in handy. Buddies giving you a hard time? Boss riding your ass? Old lady up in your shit? Just roll up your pant leg and POW! Faced.
At the very least, it’s better conceived than my go-fuck-yourself tattoo. That one just turned out…confusing.
-
-
Copy & paste this:
-
If This Tat Could Talk
BUTT on BUTTCEPTION Natasha on I Fail the Line tyberius on Even Your Tattoo Is Sad About … Seven on Recipe for Awesome Shark on Even Your Tattoo Is Sad About … chrisuscfan on Recipe for Awesome Ren on Tramp Stamp Up tonique on Recipe for Awesome bug man on Recipe for Awesome Jed Dye on Tramp Stamp Up
