Ugliest Tattoos: Bad, Awful & Horrible tattoos
 
 
 

Archive for August, 2009

These Things Are A Drag: This Tattoo, Holes In My Shoes, And This Tattoo

Aug. 31, 2009

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Funny Tattoo - Unfortunate
Ink Spotter: Danielle

You guys, don’t feel sorry for Courtney, okay? Sure, she’s not going to have it easy in life, but armed with the confidence instilled in her by her free-spirited biker mom, played by Cher, she’ll use her charm and intelligence to win over her reluctant junior high school classmates. At summer camp, she’ll find love with someone who sees her inner beauty (Laura Dern), and then die a peaceful death in her sleep after writing a lame-ass poem.

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Rule 34 Should Have A Clause Barring Related Tattoos

Aug. 28, 2009

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Happy Friday everyone. It’s been a long week, so I think it’s time to have some fun with another game of Shoot, Screw, or Marry.

Actually, this round might more appropriately be called Double-Homicide, Ménage à Threesome, or Move to a Utah Commune With, but that doesn’t exactly roll of the tongue.

Anyway, today’s lineup:

Funny Tattoos: I think I can see his dinner rollsSource: Inked By Design

The Pillsbury Doughboy poppin’ his puff pastry into Little Debbie’s Swiss roll. At least, I think that’s Little Debbie. She’s wearing the hat, but wasn’t LD a brunette? Maybe it’s Alice in Wonderland? But that would be CRAZY!

Funny Tattoo - Furry pornInk Spotter: Matthew C

A disturbingly graphic rendering of skunk rounding second base and sliding into third. Wait, do skunks have bases?

Funny Tattoos: “Stick” it in. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!Ink Spotter: Andy

And…this. I would call it comically poor in execution, except that I’m not laughing.

My picks: Off the stick figures. Though I am curious to know if this guy goes around asking people if they “want to see his stick figure” before pulling down the waistband of his pants.

Get it on with the skunks. Ugh, I can’t believe I just said that. But hey, at least they have creepily humanlike sex organs, right?

Walk down the aisle with the cupcake couple. While I don’t condone such treatment of Little Debbie (homegirl always had my back in college), I can’t really say no to Pillsbury’s prefab cookie dough. Or those fucking cinnamon rolls in a tube. Really, you had me at “Toaster Scrambles®.”

Damn, this is a tough one! Your picks in the comments. And no, “shoot them all” is not an answer. Do you peek while playing Marco Polo too, cheaterface?

PS: Do you ever have a day when you really hope that your dad isn’t reading your blog? No? Uh, me either.

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Chupacabra Preemie?

Aug. 27, 2009

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Funny Tattoo - AmazingInk Spotter: SallysOrrOw

I’ve reached a point where anytime I look at a tattoo and don’t know what it refers to, I presume it’s an Internet meme I missed. They’re standard issue now. “Chocolate rain” kid? Sure:

Made you turn your head the other wayInk Spotter: Danielle

2 Girls 1 Cup? Yup. I’m confident there are approximately 10,000 Dramatic Gopher* tattoos. And I’m sure there is a small cadre of people having zombie face tattoos applied with the sole intention of looking like the “I like turtles” kid.

So I no longer worry about what I’m looking at when I see an Irish-identified but red-white-and-blue–American infant-dog-angel-cartoon tattoo. I’m sure there’s a youtube video about it out there. With 3 million views.

*No, no link. If you haven’t seen the dramatic gopher, well, let me be the first to welcome you to the Internet.

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Don’t Mind Me. I’m Just Killing Time, Looking Out Over The Belt

Aug. 26, 2009

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Funny-Tattoos-SupposedlyJasonMorazInk Spotter: Jennie

Something about the expression on the tattoo worries me. It looks . . . lost. While she’s standing around in her bikini, I wonder if strangers will offer it directions to the bus station. And if anyone has ever started speaking to your lower back, unsolicited, let me tell you, it can be startling.

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Caught Dealing Crack

Aug. 25, 2009

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Funny Tattoos: Look, it’s not easy being one of Mariah Carey’s backup dancersInk Spotter: Hannah L

Some cultures regard butterflies as signs of bad luck. Obviously there’s something to that superstition, because this woman’s pants appear to have spontaneously shrunk several sizes. I can’t imagine luck much worse than that.

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Beauty Fades, Dumb Is Forever

Aug. 24, 2009

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Funny-Tattoos-JudgeNotInk Spotter: Laine D

The honorable Judge Judy is fond of saying that “if something doesn’t make sense, it’s not true.” And yet, I see this tattoo right before my eyes, not making any sense whatsoever.

You know what else doesn’t make sense? That, of all the portraits we’ve seen here — dead wives, rock icons, beloved children’s book characters, and, uh, this — the best-executed is a tattoo of Judge Effing Judy. Of all the things to get right, why this? It’s like finding out that John Goodman has perfected his striptease. It’s great and all, but no one really wants to see it.

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He’s Not Giving The Finger, He’s Practicing Drinking Steel Reserve With His Pinky Out

Aug. 21, 2009

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Funny-Tattoos-ItIsWhatItIsInk Spotter: Nieve K

Under normal circumstances, one can usually draw infallible conclusions about a woman with a Looney Tunes character tattooed on her boob. And those conclusions are that she lives in a trailer park. Mathematically speaking:

Looney Tunes tattoo = trashy
Boob tattoo = trashy
Looney Tunes tattoo x Boob tattoo = 2(trashy) = Double-wide trashy
Q.E.D.

But this Looney Tunes boob tat is different. This is the Tasmanian Devil, riding a unicorn. You won’t find this woman waiting in line for deep-fried Twinkies at the county fair with her four children and mulleted boyfriend in tow. No, sir. She’s busy with her entrepreneurial endeavors (backyard pit bull breeding operation) and charitable activites (court-ordered community service). I’ll bet those gold hooves and horn match her glamour-length Lee Press-On Nails.

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Wait, Where Is Doc? WHERE IS DOC?!

Aug. 20, 2009

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Funny Tattoo - Dwarves
Ink Spotter Develish1

Do you remember what the Seven Dwarves did for a living? They were diamond miners.

I think you’re flattering yourself here.

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Big Daddy Almost Cut Her Out of the Will for This

Aug. 19, 2009

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Funny Tattoo - On her mindInk Spotter: Ignelius

What? You never saw the episode of The Golden Girls where Blanche falls in with a biker crowd? Smitten with the gang’s leather-clad leader, Miami Mike, she takes her attempts to impress him too far at a piercing and tattoo parlor. Sophia cracks wise about how all that penetration probably doesn’t compare to Blanche’s college days and Rose recounts a story about how back in St. Olaf, motorcycle gangs actually rode pigs. But it isn’t until Miami Mike cheats on her with a younger member of the gang (the buxom Pleather Pensacola) that Blanche realizes she’s trying to be something she’s not.

Cheesecake and laser surgery all around (Blanche for tattoo removal, the other gals just to zap some varicose veins). Credits.

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It’s Going To Be Hard To Run The Bases In Those Shoes

Aug. 18, 2009

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Funny Tattoo - DisproportionateInk Spotter: Jeremiah

How awesome is it that this giant skinhead tattoo looks like a sexy Tom of Finland* portrait of America’s first black president?

Answer: Very. But don’t be sad, my friend. You’re not the first gay white supremacist we’ve come across. Just the first who’s into black dudes.

Oh hey look, I found a picture of you getting some more work done:

Funny Tattoos: Hey there, sailorSource: Tom of Finland Foundation (NSFW)

I can’t tell what it is yet, but I’m sure it’ll end up looking like a burly, shirtless Gandhi.

*A better, utterly NSFW (depending on your company’s policy re: arty gay porn) example.

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