Ugliest Tattoos: Bad, Awful & Horrible tattoos
 
 
 

Archive for May, 2009

It's Pronounced soo-KAY-yer

May. 29, 2009

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ut-dicksucka
Ink Spotter: Rippdemup

As you can see by the faded lettering in the lower right corner, this tattoo is a cover-up, meant to obscure an older tattoo that this person no longer likes. It’s not that he or she particularly wanted to be branded with a badly-executed penis and the title “Dick Sucka.” It just happened to be the only design that would sufficiently cover the old image.

Sadly, the image didn’t seem to make sense unless pointed upward toward the wearer’s mouth, so the intended cover was left unaccomplished. A silver lining is that in polite company, he or she can say, “Oh, ‘Dick Suckajer’? It’s a Dutch phrase. It means ‘dick sucka.’

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Your Navel Has Some Questions About This

May. 24, 2009

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ut-konami
Image Credit: Bibiduck

As it turns out, getting the Konami Code inked onto your body doesn’t result in 30 extra lives for real. Thanks for trying though. Someone needed to find out. Maybe you could try all the DOOM cheat codes on your back. If you get nothing more out of it than a chainsaw, I say it was worthwhile.

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GLorious

May. 22, 2009

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ut-slut
Image Credit: Sarah

Oh, come on now. Aren’t you giving Lori all the power when you brand yourself with a pronouncement of your having been cuckolded? There were so many other, better, easier directions you could have gone in. Fixes that eliminate Lori from history, that say, “It was never about you, Lori. It was about:

CLoris Leachman
Lori Province, Armenia
Loris Ipsum
The Lorikeet [my favorite bird]
VaingLorious
Low-CaLorie
FolkLorist
ChLorine
Pygmy Slow Loris
CoLoring books
G-L-O-R-I-A, GLoria
Florida (of the United States or Good Times)

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Finally

May. 21, 2009

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ut-myspace
Image Credit: Inked By Design

It’s about damn time Tom got a new profile picture.

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2 Girls, 1 Cup, A Lifetime Of Being "That Guy"

May. 20, 2009

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ut-twogirls1 
Source: Tattoo Shop Supply

The day I saw that video of the Dramatic Gopher (or whatever it was called), I also saw a t-shirt for sale featuring the likeness of said intense rodent. And I thought Look at these idiots, putting all their eggs in a fad basket that will last five seconds tops. I hope they didn’t print too many of these things, because you can’t bank on every stupid, flash-in-the pan Internet meme that comes along. Some things just don’t last long enough to sustain merchandising.

This person bought that shirt.

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A Not-So-Tight Race

May. 19, 2009

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ut-nascar

Image Credit: Channing Frye

Why hasn’t NASCAR gone to court for some sort of restraining order, requiring her to keep a shirt on? Every time she makes this visible, auto racing loses a fan. Not coincidentally, local church attendance also decreases. It’s hard to see this and still believe there’s a God.

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And To Think I Went With The Ruben Studdard Tattoo

May. 18, 2009

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ut-clayaiken1 Image Credit: C-Cynical

Clay Aiken. Fine. I won’t even bother commenting on how ridiculous it is to get a Clay Aiken tattoo. I know he has legions of fans, and branding any one of them as crazy for getting this tattoo ignores the very important fact that if you’re a fan of Clay Aiken, you were probably crazy to begin with. I’m not even going to dwell on the fact that this picture makes Clay look EVEN MORE RETARDED than he does in the flesh.

What I wanted to know is why his head appears to be rising out of a misshapen black hole. After some Googling, I found this:

...can be determined by how he sits in a chair

So it’s the picture from the cover of his first album. Except without the arms. Just the sleeves. Given the skill of the tattoo artist, I guess the arms were too hard to do. As was forgoing the sleeve and instead attempting to include his chin. It was just too big a risk. You wouldn’t have wanted this tattoo to have turned out ugly, right?

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Maybe It's Just A Scar?

May. 15, 2009

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ur-fordtough Image Credit: Shullvox

When GM finally declares bankruptcy, will it affect this guy’s credit score? Brand-loyalty tattoos always seem to memorialize love for an automobile or a product with a cartoon-logo (Cap’n Crunch-on-bicep, here’s looking at you). We’d like to see a little more branching out. How about Quizno’s? Flomax? Sub shops and prescriptions: tattooing’s next frontier. Join us.

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I Had That Pencil Case in Second Grade

May. 14, 2009

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ut-lisafrank
Ink Spotter: Marge

How appropriate that the woman(?) who got the cover of a Lisa Frank notebook splayed across her back is also wearing Jordache jeans. I’d chalk it up to a bad decision made one day after getting hopped up on Squeezits at recess, but the color is too bright for this to be more than a couple years old, and most states won’t let 11-year-olds get tattoos.

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Blood Is Thicker Than Water, But Silicon Is Thicker Than Blood

May. 13, 2009

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ut-mac
Image Credit: Mac

ut-pc
Image Credit: PC

Brothers. Inseparable throughout childhood, each was the others protector and best friend. Their college years kept them similarly attached, passing evenings by each other’s side, scarcely participating in the unseemly debauchery of their peers.

Then the mid 1980s came. Everyone was choosing sides, and they were no exception. Jim found himself standing by his Apple Lisa; Jerry’s allegiance was to the PC and MS-DOS Executive, later to become Windows 1.0.

Both were at MacWorld in ‘97 when Jobs and Gates announced the shocking partnership between Apple and Microsoft. Neither took the unlikely alliance as a sign that it was time to bury the hatchet. Twelve years later, having crossed paths only at a cousin’s wedding and their father’s funeral, they’ve still never spoken.

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